If you get angry, you lose. EN
Psychologin. Master in Human Resources.
Imagine: After reading an email, receiving news or having a conversation you feel attacked.
In tenths of a second you secrete stress hormones that make you feel bad, almost sick, and you focus all your attention on what you interpret as an attack. It's natural, it's a response that comes automatically from our primitive brain.
To lessen your discomfort, your first reaction is to fight back, but you will most likely make a mistake. You may be misinterpreting the message, you may be overreacting, and you may be ruining an important relationship forever.
How can you lessen your discomfort and still respond effectively?
Here's what you can do:
1. Immediately write down what you would say to that person. Put all your anger on paper. When you are done, the first surprise will be that your stress level has dropped. By expressing your discomfort, your brain interprets that you are defending yourself, and reduces the secretion of hormones.
2. Forget about it until the next day. This way we can calm down even more.
3. The next day, calmly analyze again what that person has told you.
4. Go over what you wrote last night.
5. Prepare your reaction again. You are now in the best position to respond appropriately and to gain from the situation. Speaking calmly gives much more weight to your arguments.
Remember: You can express anything calmly.
If you get angry, you lose.